You Know You Enjoy the Booze a Little Too Much If....

Tequila makes you lose your mind and howl at the moon, so you only drink it in the morning.

You inform the arresting officer that gravity is the only law you feel compelled to obey.

Crying in your beer increases its alcohol content.

You’ve invented a Sesame Street drinking game so you can spend more time with your kids.

You regularly shout constructive criticism to the winos holding cardboard signs on street corners, e.g.: “It’s too political! You’re alienating half your demographic!”

Your friends accuse you of “acting weird” whenever they meet you sober.

You’ve convinced your boss that your cologne is called “Eau de Cheap Scotch.”

You can identify most of the bars in town by the underside of their barstools.

Bouncers have a special headlock named after you.

You’ve stepped on your own fingers.

Everyone thinks you’re bilingual.

Your birthday is a holiday in Scotland.

You buy a lamp because you need a hat.

You drank so much beer last night you single-handedly wore out a fresh urinal cake.

You refer to grapes as “wine eggs.”

You’d never steal a fellow drunk’s drink, but you do occasionally “adopt orphans.”

You can order a beer in 17 different languages but don’t know how to pronounce “Perrier.”

Absolut wants to run an ad featuring a picture of your liver in the shape of a bottle.

These and a whole lot more wise words found at Modern Drunkard Magazine!